Constance Carmeen Vance

o·bit·u·ar·y (as defined by Oxford Dictionary)
NOUN: a notice of a death, especially in a newspaper, typically including a brief biography of the deceased person:
synonyms: death notice · eulogy · obit · necrology

This is the true definition of the purpose of an obituary; however, Oxford left out one other synonym: celebration of life.

Constance Carmeen Vance

Constance (Connie) was born May 30, 1930, in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Later, her family moved to California where she was raised, graduating from business college. She married, later divorced, and had three children: Gary Lee (aka Abraxas Hugley), Kathryn Maureen, and Patricia Ann. Beginning as a clerk in a large typing pool for the Department of Defense, she eventually rose to be the Security Manager for a military installation on Whidbey Island, Washington. Following her retirement from that position, she provided care for her mother until her passing on Christmas Eve 1997. She and her husband relocated to Adams in 2005 where she also provided care for her sister until she, too, passed. During this time, she battled and won a fight against breast cancer, a victory that was bittersweet as it left her fragile in body. The loss of her only son later left her fragile in spirit. This year, on Christmas Eve, we would like to think that her mother brought her home to join her sister and son. She is survived by her husband, LeRoy, her daughters, Kathryn and Patricia; grandson Jacob and wife Katrina and their child, Isaiah LeRoy; great-grandson Noah Michael; granddaughter Taji Marie and wife, Jesse, and their son, Avery; great-granddaughter Rachel.

This is what most obits would share with the world but it tells nothing of the kind of person that she was in this life. As an expectant and often oblivious teen, I did not realize that my mother was this wonderful woman with a drive within her to make sure that her family had not only what it needed but what they wanted. Working up to 70 hours a week, she depended on her 16 year old son to provide care for her two daughters. She was grateful for his obligatory duties and she made sure that he could participate in his love of competitive bowling and other sports activities as compensation. My sister’s interest was music and when she could afford it she would bring home an album as a surprise. While being part of a singing group in high school, I selfishly did not want to wear the same outfit for every performance. A skilled seamstress, she would work all day, prepare dinner, and then cut out a pattern and begin to sew. I was often called out of sleep to stand for a quick fitting and in the morning I would have a beautiful dress hanging on my door with a note wishing good luck.

Mom met and married a wonderful man, LeRoy Arthur Vance. Although he married Mom, he also became the father of a neurotic poodle and a moody teen girl. She continued her work to provide a loving home for all of us and, during his long military absences, spent the evening writing letters to him. Since his military obligations often meant he was not home for holidays, it was not unusual to have the Christmas tree up in spring or summer in order to celebrate the holiday upon his return. Together they shared many camping and fishing trips, always making sure that it was a family event but allowing time for them to be together.

Although her two older children had long grown up, during her working years she tried to make sure that any service member who was not able to go home for holidays was never left alone. This is why my family of three had a formal dining set seating twelve, not to mention the additional card tables that were set up to accommodate these young men and women, some away from home for the first time, with the environment of family and affection. It is why I had never seen a Christmas turkey weighing less than 20 pounds until I left home.

Connie was a caring person whose generosity was limitless. When she would see a need she would take the initiative and make the effort to do something about it. Upon moving to Adams, when she noticed that many of the children attending elementary school with her great-grandson did not have hats, scarves or mittens, she contacted the local Pamida (now ShopKo) and made arrangement to purchase yarn at a discount, particularly the color schemes that were bright and unusual. She then spent many hours knitting dozens of these items and then donated them to the school in order to make them available to anyone who needed warmth. Years afterwards, I often see a child with one of the distinctive patterns that she knitted and it would make me smile.

Throughout the years, Mom always noted the needs of others and did what she could to help. However, the ones she was most devoted to were the ones that were often overlooked: animals. If she heard of a dog being mistreated or neglected or was no longer going to have a home, she would take it in, providing it with a life of love and care. At one time, she had seven dogs, a ring-neck dove discovered in a laundry room, a cockatiel that was rescued, and a tank of gold fish that were refugees from a children’s fair. After the passing of her last pet, she continued to provide care for other animals by subsidizing their medical care and, through planning, is continuing to do so.

I could give so many more examples of her generosity and love. A tiny woman, her heart was vast. She is timeless in this respect because she will continue to live on through those she touched. A private person by nature, there will be no viewing, memorial, or service per her request. However, those who wish to commemorate her life through action may do so by donating to the local animal shelter or food pantry.

It is almost appropriate that Mom passed away on Christmas Eve. It is a time of celebration for many reasons. The end of the year and hope for the future. The remembrance of the birth of Christ. Most of all, it is a time of family and memories and celebrating all the things that make us families. We all have a relative that is difficult to be with or one that is silly and annoying or maybe one that seems to never come to all the family events but will, occasionally, show up at this time of the year. But, when we are all together there is something wonderful happening because of the bond that makes us family; of knowing each other’s faults, failings, successes and truly great qualities that we don’t often talk about. It was her favorite holiday and I feel it was this unspoken appreciation of each other that makes life worth celebrating.

Thank you, Mom, for all that you have given. Thank you for all that you left behind for us to cherish. We love you. Good night.